Sometimes there are moments like that when you observe. Just sometimes. That moment when you look at yourself as if from the outside and ask yourself: "Am I actually running towards the shooting pegs or running away from my feelings?" We feel uncomfortable and then start to fill the moment with all sorts of other things. To distract ourselves, because we want to feel different, lighter, more carefree. We want to get away from it all and move on to... So we keep doing and doing. We do analyze and pick apart what is bothering us from time to time, but we don't let it show. We are true artists of concealment, having trained ourselves for years to manage our emotional world as if it were accounting documents.
We're currently evaluating far too meticulously what exactly is allowed to come out and what isn't. Far from it, because what isn't allowed to come out stays. It's inevitable that this will sooner or later lead to a kind of emotional backlog. We're fighting a battle we can't win. Silent on the outside, but the storm rages on inside. We simply don't know of a better way to deal with it, and it wouldn't be the social norm either. So we just keep perpetuating this farce, unaware that an alternative might be within reach. One thing is so crystal clear, yet this path seems too simple to us.
We consider and reconsider, we analyze and, if necessary, we change something externally. We search our thoughts or those around us, instead of inside, to make up for what we have missed, to feel instead of thinking. We look inward without avoiding, judging or distracting ourselves. In order to bring the demons that haunt us to the surface, we allow everything that shows itself. We sit down, go into silence and bring everything that comes into view. Because only then can the old go away and everything that lies behind it is nothing but relief and peace, because we lay down our weapons and finally let go. A child does not hold on to everything for as long as we adults do. They are simply in the now and feel what is coming, they simply live, they simply are. That is what we must learn again. We cannot expect to only experience the good feelings in life. How could we recognize them, if there weren't the bad ones?
And a monotonous life without ups and downs is ultimately nothing more than shooting an arrow without a target. You never miss, but you never hit the target either.
Contribution by: Bettina Platzer
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